Ask Mary: Should I Try Dating Again

Ask Mary: Should I Try Dating AgainI’ve been a widow for a while and every February when valentine’s day comes around, I wonder if I should try dating again. What are your thoughts on this?

 You know what it’s like to share a life with someone you love so it’s no surprise that you wonder about dating again. But years have passed since you last dated and dating isn’t as easy or as comfortable as when you were younger.

 It’s hard to strike a balance between real love and all the demands of a mature woman. How do you know when it’s worth making a sacrifice for love?

 Loneliness: You’re still young and healthy so you get lonely and you sleep with a guy and then wonder if you slept with him because you care or because you just needed some sex. Plain and simple, and yet it can confuse us. But having different experiences isn’t about sleeping around. It’s not about who you let into your bed but who you let into your heart. You have to know when to take care of yourself and understand how your emotions affect your decisions.

 Fear of being abandoned: This means cutting the dating short so that you are the one not committing instead of the man. The problem is that your fear of abandonment could be stopping you from making a good relationship into a great relationship.

 Fear of losing control: You may be looking for a relationship where you control everything but you won’t really learn anything new. You will always be the teacher/parent and that can be exhausting.

 Fear of being hurt: I understand this fear since whenever you put yourself out there there is the danger of your heart being hurt. But the other side is a lonely life without the hope of finding real love and having someone to share your life with. 

 Fear of intimacy: Hey, we are all afraid of intimacy – it’s not like we are as young as we used to be before we got married. This new man only knows us by what we look like today and there is some serious aging going on. The thing is you pay more attention to this than the man does. He is just as worried about how you will react to him. After all he isn’t as young as he used to be either.

 Please email your questions to: mary@thesisterhoodofwidows.com