Ask Mary: Time To Start Making Changes?

Here we are starting another year but I feel stuck in my grief. After the loss of a loved one, when is the right time to start making changes?

When we lose a loved one there is a time for grieving. That time is different for everyone, but one thing is for sure and that is healing eventually does come. We have all had moments when we felt uncertain about our future and we question if we are ever going to be happy again.  While our decisions can feel daunting, the red flags that tell you it may be time to move from grieving to healing are actually easy to recognize.
You feel as though you’re fighting an uphill battle:   If you’re tired of being tired.   If you spend most of your time trying to fix, alter, or cope with a situation, it’s probably time for a change. Joy is a natural outcome of being where you should be.
You feel as though you’re not valued: Nothing is more damaging than knowing you are not valued.   Don’t allow yourself to be compared with others, don’t allow yourself to be put down more often than you’re lifted up, and do not, under any circumstances, accept less than you deserve. These are clear signs that change is needed to move towards a more fulfilling life.

You feel as though fear is holding you back: When you stay in grief because of the scary things that might or might not happen, you make a conscious decision not to grow. And living in a way that stunts your growth costs you more opportunities than you know.

You feel as though you’re compromising yourself:  Integrity encourages us to do what’s right for us even when others disagree. When you ignore your inner voice – whether to make someone else feel better or to save yourself the difficulty of doing right – you wind up causing yourself a lot of heartache. The misery of accommodating everyone but yourself will eventually rob you of happiness. Don’t let that happen.

Face your fears, gather up your courage, recognize the truth, and when the time is right you will be at peace with the healing and move forward naturally.

 It has been said that there are two important days in anyone’s life: the day you were born and the day you figure out why. Dr. Peter Nieman.

Please email your questions to: mary@thesisterhoodofwidows.com.